Ariana Grande Is Kathy Griffin's Biggest Fan
Taste!
You wouldn’t necessarily believe it, but Ariana Grande and I have a lot in common. We’re both annoying theater kids. We both attended bougie prep schools. We’re both Italian-American women who enjoy doughnuts. And most importantly, we’re both massive fans of Kathy Griffin. I’d go so far as to say she’s a stan (complimentary, in this case). And hers is a passion for the controversial funny woman that I entirely share.
Kathy’s the first person I ever saw perform stand up live — at UConn Family Weekend 2007. No one in my family was, at that time, attending UConn. But my gay best friend’s brother was a freshman there, and once we realized that Kathy would be providing the weekend’s entertainment, we coordinated a trip. The supplies were minimal yet quintessentially evocative of 2000s decadence: a disgusting platinum blonde wig and leftover painkillers from his brother’s baseball injury.
After shaking off his parents and exploring some of the vendors in a sort of open air market, I donned the wig and we wandered around the campus museum, visibly disturbing other patrons. I also wore sunglasses inside. It was very Paris Hilton, if Paris’s blonde tresses resembled a Party City wig left over from Halloween. Finally, we snuck behind the theater and took the painkillers. We laid on the ground listening to “Gimme More” over and over on an iPod (!), as the undeniable banger had just dropped. Then we made a quick trip to the dairy bar (don’t underestimate UConn’s agriculture program, y’all) and had dinner out, where we remained high as tits. At one point his brother said something and by the time it hit my ear, it sounded like “Wombat insurance.” I laughed. Everyone else around the table laughed, too. I guess whatever he’d actually said was funny. Phew!
In a stroke of perfect timing, the sedating effects wore off just as the lights went down and the pre-show announcement began. My mind regained its sharpness. My body was ready. And Kathy killed. Killed! For like, two hours. She didn’t (and never does) have an opener and it still blows my mind that she bounds on stage with no warmup and dives straight into her act. I could never. Rarely have I felt so safe as an audience member. We could sit back and cede complete authority to the veteran performer doing what she does best; arguably, what she was born to do. She told a story about an ill-fated college gig in Jacksonville with Andy Dick that I still think about (Andy was…not behaving professionally, which checks out). That night changed the trajectory of my life. And if there’s one person who can relate, it’s…Ariana Grande? Pop star, actor and tabloid fixture? Indeed. Let me explain.
On My Life on the D-List S3E1, Kathy performs at Carnegie Hall for the first time. Exciting! Afterwards, she leafs through fan mail and reads aloud from a letter that “Ariana, age 13” penned her: “Dear Kathy, you were amazing! I saw you tonight and you were better than ever…P.S. When I found out you were staying here, I almost died.” In a confessional, Kathy quips, “A-List celebs get stalked by some hot guy. Me? I’m getting stalked by a tween that’s staying at my hotel. Probably with her parents.”
The identity of said Ariana was confirmed in Kathy’s 2016 book Kathy Griffin's Celebrity Run-Ins: My A-Z Index. She recounts crossing paths with the pint-sized singer in 2014 backstage at KIIS-FM’s Jingle Ball holiday concert: “‘You probably don’t remember it’ she said, ‘but I love you and I’m your biggest fan, and because we were in the same hotel once, I wrote you a letter and put it at [the] door of your hotel room. I was your psycho stalker! So you can’t imagine what it was like for me to be watching My Life on the D-List and see you read it.’” It’s weird to think that the woman who croons “I only wanna die alive/Never by the hands of a broken heart/I don't wanna hear you lie tonight/Now that I've become who I really are” has also (presumably) gotten stoned and laughed her ass off to Allegedly. Celebrities: they’re just like us!
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Ariana being a stand up comedy nerd explains her relationship with Pete. Now all I need to know is what the ginger munchkin has in his pants that caused her to go full homewrecker about it