Many moons ago (2014), there was a pseudo-Project Greenlight spinoff called The Chair*, which aired on Starz. I’d estimate that myself and a dozen other clinical depressives have seen it. It features two first-time directors competing to produce the better version of the same screenplay. One of the directors had a Tisch MFA, indie film credibility and a sympathetic arc. The other director was Shane Dawson.
Yes, that Shane Dawson. The megastar YouTuber who was canceled by the Internet and then slowly returned to semi-relevance (his videos still receive millions of views and he’s repped by UTA). Explaining Shane’s whole deal falls outside the scope of this newsletter because it would take several hours and many more words than I’m willing to dedicate to the subject. However, you’re probably familiar with him allegedly fucking his cat, denying that he fucked his cat and then distracting everyone from whether or not he fucked his cat by getting engaged (his husband Ryland Adams is also a YouTuber).
Shane’s rival was Anna Martemucci (now A.M. Lukas), a screenwriter and actor whose perfectionism threatened to undermine her abilities. She struggled as the number-one authority on set after collaborating with her partner, Victor Quinaz (now writing for Big Mouth) and his brother, Philip, on independent films for so long. She agonized over small decisions, sometimes falling behind schedule. Shane, on the other hand, operated with all the unearned confidence of a white guy who’d gamed the YouTube algorithm by 25 — utterly assured and completely resistant to critiques from producers and test audiences.
The whole experiment was partly funded by a grant from the city of Pittsburgh, and Pittsburgh native Zachary Quinto served as one of the film producers. From the first time Zachary encountered Shane’s work on set, he was disgusted — which this clip makes hilariously clear (I apologize for not being able to embed an *checks notes* m3u8 file). If you don’t feel like clicking, just picture a critically lauded, conservatory-trained actor reacting to a YouTuber’s idea of humor c. 2014. The issue is one of taste, to put it mildly.
After watching the final product, Zachary was…none too pleased:
“When we watched Shane’s movie yesterday, I was depressed for a couple of hours at least. I found it deeply offensive. I’m angry, actually, I’m angry. The fact that $850,000 got put into making something that was so egregiously offensive. And not only the material, but actually the fact that $850,000 was put into making that, it made me angry. And it’s not something in any version, or by any stretch of my imagination, that I can ever put my name on or be associated with. The amount of time that I spent watching Shane’s film I will never get back in my life, and I am resentful of that. …This kid had $850,000 and all he managed to do was make smut. Tasteless.”
He took his name off the project — currently at 14% on Rotten Tomatoes. Barring a drastic critical reappraisal, I think the right call was made. And that’s why Spock hates the YouTuber who sorta maybe did bestiality.
*not to be confused with the 2021 Netflix series of the same name (unjustly canceled after one season)
Recommendations
You’ve seen Kieran Culkin devour hot wings…
…but have you seen Macaulay Culkin play The Pagemaster? They’re both lil’ guys (5’6”) unafraid to accessorize or wear nail polish. I love them.
A few months ago, someone wrote into Ask A Manager describing a situation so bizarre, I assumed it was fake or at least exaggerated. Well, there’s an update, and it seems a) real b) weirder than I could’ve imagined. Sometimes, the scariest thing isn’t vampires, aliens or climate change. It’s the unstable white lady at your office job — especially if she’s an MLM hun and self-styled fitness “expert.” Stay safe out there.
Q&A
In lieu of the usual Q&A, please accept this profile of Kieran Culkin that made me cry. I may have to rethink this section if it requires too much coordination. Stay tuned!
Shameless Self-Promotion
You can request my tracks “Women’s Magazines” and “Self Discovery” on SiriusXM’s Raw Dog Comedy channel. It’s true — I periodically receive small royalty checks for saying naughty words on satellite radio. Keep pursuing those dreams, kids.
You Should Also Be Reading…
Jessica DeFino’s doing paradigm-shifting work over at The Unpublishable. Trust me, a woman who smeared hyaluronic acid on her face today even though she’s not sure what it is, what it’s supposed to do or if it works.
Thanks for reading! As always, if you have any feedback, questions or press inquiries, respond to this e-mail or message rossiferous@gmail.com. Bye!