RIP Dlisted.com
A Gossip Blog Changed My Life
We are gathered here today to eulogize a blog that changed my life. Even more than bidding adieu to Gawker 1.0, The Hairpin or The Awl, losing Dlisted hurts. Yes, I’m genuinely saddened by the prospect of no longer reading sentences like, “Stick a taser gun up my ass, because I think it’s about to go crazy at the thought of Adrien Brody being back on the market!” on the toilet — just as God intended.
Dlisted originated in 2005 as the personal blog of Michael Kuroiwa, a.k.a. Michael K. Bored at his office job for an adult website, Michael started posting. A star was born.
Michael’s approach to language — and taste level — makes his writing delightfully irreverent. Only he could turn a phrase like “Mimi [Mariah Carey] is so rich that she queefs up diamond dust.” Verbiage like that is emblazoned in my mind, edging out information about the French Revolution and conjugating Latin verbs. Frankly, his work has shaped my worldview to a disturbing degree. It’s the reason I consider “hot slut” to be the highest possible compliment. It’s the reason I’m drawn to old broads, Gen X barflies and gay men who love trash. It’s the reason I thought, “Oh my God, Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente!” upon spotting the actor and her wife (neé Christine Marinoni) in the subway.
Dlisted makes me nostalgic for an Internet where content could gain traction thanks to the creator’s unmistakable voice, not algorithmic trickery. Michael’s fiercely queer, potty-mouthed sensibilities were a refreshing drink of water in an ocean of cookie cutter gossipmongers and sycophantic clout-chasers. And before RuPaul’s Drag Race hit Logo TV, he schooled readers in the Old Queen Canon, including Showgirls, Dynasty and the condescending shopgirl from Pretty Woman. Sure, he provided me with updates on Lindsay Lohan’s legal scrapes and Paris Hilton’s partying — but more importantly, he provided me with a cultural education.
There will never be another gossip outlet like Dlisted. In its stead, I’ll idly browse Lainey, Celebitchy and Data Lounge’s most ruthless threads, trying to recapture the magic.
Recommendations
Breads Bakery’s Egg Salad Sandwich
Evangelizing Breads isn’t new — it’s well known for baked goods like croissants and chocolate babka. But I’ve recently become hooked on the egg salad sandwich, which is a miraculous feat given that I don’t even like egg salad. It’s just that good. (Apologies if you’re allergic to eggs.)
Amy Schumer’s Emergency Contact
Now streaming on Netflix, Amy’s latest hour-long special reminds us why she’s the fucking Queen. Take your anti-Schumes bitching to r/standup! It’s not welcome here.
An American Tragedy: The Glee Project
Lucas Modzelewski made this oddly touching video essay about The Glee Project Season 2, which I somehow managed to watch years ago. Now you can’t (legally) stream or buy it but someone uploaded most (or all? idk) episodes to DailyMotion. I’d seen Lily Mae Harrington in Single Drunk Female, Ali Stroker’s a Tony winner for the recent Oklahoma! revival and Blake Jenner has a career, but I didn’t clock Abraham Lim as Kimiko’s brother on The Boys. I’d also completely forgotten that Ali and nonbinary pioneer Dani Shay dated (offscreen).
Shameless Self-Promotion
Last year I appeared on the Dyking Out podcast to discuss music videos. I fucked up the name of Dave Holmes’ Exactly Right podcast, but besides that, I acquitted myself nicely (and gay-ly). The image of Heather Graham fondling herself in the “American Woman” video was formative for me. Happy Pride!
You Should Also Be Reading…
Max Read is one of our bravest and most insightful Internet deep-divers. I especially loved his piece about the 2010s blogosphere and making sense of that recent cultural past.